Lorcan's Birth Story
10 years ago
They just called with my result and its <2. (A positive pregnancy level is >5) Not a big surprise.
Since I stopped the progesterone 2 days ago, AF should arrive soon then its on to our last TTC cycle.
Disappointment yet again.
DH and I have decided that next cycle will be our last TTC. If we don't get pregnant, we won't TTA (try to avoid or prevent pregnancy), we just won't be actively TTC.
I'm still praying for my miracle.
I'm 8 DPO this cycle and not a whole lot is going on. I've been slightly nauseated off and on the last few days, tired, but not sleeping worth crap. I've also been having some cramping on and off.....but its so light I don't think it means much of anything. Overall, I'm not too optimistic for this month. Of course, with DD, I thought I was 'out' then too. Stark white BFN on 9 dpo, but then a blazing BFP on 10 dpo. So anything is possible and I pray that I'll have good news to share soon. Yep, announcing a BFP in a few days would be great. :-)
In other news, a dear friend sent me a picture of her + HPT this morning! I won't go into details, but her and her husband have been through the ringer and deserve this incredible news. I'm am SO excited for them and hope they have a happy and healthy 9 months. Congrats Doreen and Michael!! (I wasn't going to say their name because we have some mutual friends and I didn't want to spill the beans until she told them, but she just made an announcement so I think its ok) :-)
Here are pics of my trigger progression so far....
Wondfos 1, 2 and 4 DPT (days post trigger). I'm not a fan of these so much as they are very light. They actually look better in picture form (because I can blow them up) than they do in person.
CBE OPKs 2 and 4 DPT. Still get smiley faces.
FRER 1 and 4 DPT. I love how bold these tests show up. Its really hard to mistake what your result is on these.
I have some Answer tests coming in soon, but in the meantime I will continue to use the Wondfos and OPKs. Other than that, not much else going on except for some occasional nausea, cramping and bloating.
To satisfy my POAS urges, I've been peeing on hpts to check my trigger progression. I took a wondfo yesterday with FMU and it was SO light that I got worried that maybe my trigger wasn't going to be good enough. I ended up taking a FRER later last night and it was super dark in seconds. I took another wondfo this morning and while its a little darker than yesterdays, its still very light. I'm not sure I like those tests very much! Guess thats what you get with a cheap test. Since I still have about 10 left, I'll keep using them and then confirm with FRER. I also ordered some answer tests, so those will be here in a few days. FX these are the last batch of hpts I ever have to buy!!
I'll post my progression pics in a few days when my trigger starts to leave.
Over the next few days, I'll be testing out my trigger. From what I've been reading, it'll take approx 6-7 for the trigger to leave my system and then hopefully it will be replaced by a true BFP!! FX!!
Morphology: 4%
Volume: 4.3 ml
Motility: 59%
Of course, since I don't know much about SA, I had to consult Dr Google to see what those numbers meant. Normal Motility is >50% so thats good; normal volume is 2-5 ml, thats good too; where it gets tricky is the Morphology value. There were two different scales that had very different numbers. Luckily, the nurse had called me back about another issue so I was able to talk to her about it. On their scale, they want to see the number at 4% or above. And that while DH just barely made the cut, the fact that he abstained for 5 days prior to the SA, that those numbers would likely have been higher if we had tested a 2-3 day abstained sample instead. So overall, they said there should be no reason that his sperm is the cause of us not getting pregnant. Darn, part of my was kinda hoping it would be something simple that could be explained and changed. :-)
I had to call this morning because I still have not heard from the pharmacy about my meds. (They send the orders to a specific pharmacy and they mail you the meds.) Since I'm supposed to start the Follistim (FSH) tomorrow night, I was getting a little worried it wouldn't make it in time. After several phones call and $364.48 later (for the FSH and Ovidrel), everything finally got straightened out. It will be overnighted to me and I will have it sometime tomorrow. Thank goodness the Clomid was only $5 on top of that. If it gets us a baby, I don't care about the cost, DH on the otherhand.......LOL.
He thinks the reason we haven't conceived yet is due to 1. DH's sperm (which he really doesn't think is an issue since DH has fathered three children, but we did a SA while we were there just to make sure and we'll get the results tomorrow) or 2. something is wrong with my tubes. We know both tubes are open since I had a CIS done in Oct and showed very clear, open tubes, with no slow or thinned portions. Dr. K. thinks it could be because they are a little on the shorter side, but still long enough to TTC without much issue.
The conversation the turned to discussing our options. He said we could keep doing what we are doing, but that we would probably have the same results....no BFPs. He talked about IUI/IVF and told us what our chances would be with those. Since neither of those options are on the table (due to our religious beliefs) we talked about the effectiveness of just doing meds. He said meds alone would only give us a 1 maybe 2% chance more of conceiving, while IUI with the meds would give us 3-4% increase. After some more discussion with Dr. K. and then with just DH and I, we have decided to do just meds. We can do these meds for three cycles. If no BFPs happen by then, then I think DH and I are to the point of ending our journey. We won't TTA (try to avoid) of course, we just won't actively TTC.
While Clomid is usually given from CD3-7 or CD5-9, Dr K said go ahead and start it today.
So the plan is as follows:
2/7--CD4--Baseline u/s, start 50mg Clomid
2/8--CD5--50mg Clomid
2/9--CD6--50mg Clomid, 25IU Follistim (FSH) SQ
2/10--CD7--50mg Clomid, 25IU FSH SQ
2/11--CD8-- 50mg Clomid, 25IU FSH SQ
2/12--CD9--25IU FSH SQ
2/13--CD10--25IU FSH SQ
2/14--CD11--Follow up u/s and then based on how that one looks, I will either need to keep doing FSH injections for a few more days or I will do the Ovidrel trigger.
36 hours after the Ovidrel is when they would normally do the IUI, but since we're not doing that, we'll just be BD'ing as much as possible.
Since progesterone is one of those "can't hurt, might help" type drugs, I will be starting Prometrium capsules vaginally approx 3 days after the trigger.
Then blood HCG draw 2 weeks later. Of course I'm a POAS-aholic, so I will be testing out the trigger so I know when it goes away (and will hopefully start seeing a BFP a day or so later).
Dear God, I pray this works. I think its the perfect time for another Novena to St. Jude and St. Gerard.
I used to be one of those ladies. One of those ladies who became pregnant on her honeymoon, first time trying. One of those ladies who only took 7 months to get pregnant with the daughter she was trying to gender sway for. Now, I'm here. The lady who can't get pregnant after 9 cycles. Nine cycles of temping, OPK'ing, scheduling BD'ing, obsessing over every little sign and symptom. A lady who month after month prays that this is our month, our month that we get our very extra special miracle, only to have AF show up. Little by little carving away what strength we have left to go on and continue trying.
Yesterday, I asked my DH if God didn't think we deserved another baby...if I wasn't a good enough mother to allow us one more child....if I was being too selfish wanting another baby when we have three terrific children already, when so many women can't have one or two. But then I think of the women that have 5, 6, even 7 children and are pregnant again. I think of the desires God put into our heart of getting the reversal for the surgery we so regretted, getting the money that we were able to save to pay for it.
I have an appointment for Thursday morning for cd3 labs and u/s. We are going to discuss our options and how much further we want to continue.
Right now God's answer is clear, I just hope and pray this isn't where our journey ends. And if it is, I pray I have the strength to be ok with that.
Bad: I got my progesterone results back....10.3. Anything over 10 in an unmedicated cycle indicates O, which is good, but I'm a little concerned that mine is barely over 10. I'm not sure how quickly it rises after implantation and I'm worried that it might not be high enough to sustain a pregnancy. (Post TR women have a higher chance of progesterone issues) Sometimes temps can help be an indication of potential problems. My temps have always been on the lower side so since this month they seem to be higher and my progesterone is only 10.3, then what has it normally been these past months? This is definitely something to talk to the RE about if I'm not pregnant this cycle.
Other than that, very few symptoms this month, so not much else is going on.
I went in for a p4 (progesterone) check this morning. They said I would get the results today, so I called at 3pm when I didn't hear anything. They said the results weren't back yet, but that they would call me back by 5, but that came and passed with no phone call. I tried the office again, but they were already gone so I'll call them again in the morning.
Anyway, to confirm that theory I took another opk 4 hours later. If it was darker then I knew I hadn't surged yet, and if it were lighter, then it could have been + had I taken it earlier or that my body was gearing up but didn't O because I'm sick. Well, it was much lighter than the 6pm one, just as I suspected. Took my temp this morning and it was in my post O range. Just great I thought. We only BD'd once before I got sick so I thought this month was already shot. I haven't been running a fever so I didn't think the temp was totally inaccurate.
Fast forward to this afternoon. I decided to take yet another opk because I just really hate not knowing for sure, plus I still had some EWCM (although there was some creamy cm in there as well.) I figured it would be - and that would be that. Low and behold it was a +. So that now means I'll O in the next 24 hours or so. Which on one hand is bad because that puts O one day further out from our last BD, on the other hand thats good because that gives us a chance to BD some more. But since I'm still sick that still won't be too possible.
Some days I just really hate this.
I called the RE's office who did my TR to see what our options are since this is now the start of cycle #9. The nurse and I had a good long talk and it was suggested we do Clomid + TI (timed intercourse) + injectible and see where that takes us. I'm hesitant because 1. I do not like taking meds (even Tylenol for a headache...yeah I'm that weird), 2. I'm nervous about side effects from the drugs, risk of twins, it not working, etc. Luckily, we have the money set aside for what it all would cost so thats not the issue. Since we've had a lot going on the last few days with my FIL having surgery, DH and I didn't get a chance to talk a lot about it and since today is CD2, I'm not sure if I could get someone to watch the kids (they don't like kids coming to the clinic for fear of upsetting other IF patients) tomorrow to go for the CD3 checkup and sono to start it this month.
So, the plan is to try one more month on our own and then try those things next cycle, if we need to. There is not a whole lot more we can try (we can do this protocol up to 3 times and we won't do IUI/IVF) so if this doesn't work, then maybe it wasn't to be after all. The thought of that makes me very emotional so I pray that we get a BFP before then.
I am also going to try another sperm-friendly lube. We've been using Preseed this entire time with no luck and since all of that is gone now, hopefully another kind will be the easy solution. (I tried something called FemCare, at least I think thats what the name was, when we were TTC our DD and we got pregnant the 2 month using that.)
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