Almost at the end of my rope

I sure wish I had some good news, especially considering we are just a few days shy of the 4th anniversary of our TR. But no, AF just arrived this morning, meaning we're on cycle #56 now. Fifty-five cycles have come and gone, with no BFP in sight.

A fellow TR sister (who had her TR after mine, with the same Dr.) just had her second TR baby last week, and another TR sister just announced her second TR pregnancy. I'm happy for them, but part of me wonders "why not me too?".

I only have 90 days left on my Fertility Friend membership. At this moment, I don't think I will be renewing it. (never say never though) Obviously, if God hasn't given us another baby by now, more than likely He won't. Its hard to completely give up on this dream though. Its such a struggle when your head tells you to be realistic and your heart keeps pulling you in another direction. Even with trying to keep myself busy with work, my mind daydreams what another child would look like in our family. Watching the kids and wondering how the dynamic would change with another baby.

This is how my brain rambles....

...and she shows

AF showed up this afternoon. On to cycle #51. Heartbroken once again.

Cycle 50....CD 2

I'm CD 2 today so I just called to schedule my baseline sonogram for this cycle. I'll be going in tomorrow at 730am (right after I get off work). Dear God, please let this be the last cycle we have to struggle with and bless us with a healthy little bean growing into the New Year.

Latest Update

Little recap: So back in Feb 2014, I was going to have surgery but that's when our lawsuit stuff (DSS) started and we had to take the 5K that was for the surgery and put it toward the attorney. Last Oct was when DH started his new job, his new insurance would cover part of the surgery, but it was still going to cost around 2-3K out of pocket. We didn't do it then because we still had some other financial stuff to pay off first.

Fast forward to now....We had meet our deductible for the year several months ago, but with me starting a new job, DH didn't want me to have surgery just yet. Plus is looked like it was still going to be at least 1K+ out of pocket so we figured we'd just have to wait until next year and unfortunately have to pay more because our deductible would reset. After I got home from work this morning and was trying to sleep, something told me to go ahead and call the dr's office. (The likelihood of getting it done before the year was over seemed impossible since its already mid Nov). I left a message for the surgery coordinator and she responded a few hours later. Turns out because we are almost to our max out of pocket for the year, the max we would have to pay is $442.78 if we do it before Jan 1!!!!! They want me to come in for a visit with the dr and a sono (which I want anyway) and redo labs to make sure its even worth proceeding. So my visit is Nov 30 and surgery (assuming everything is still ok with my levels) is Dec 10!!


Such happy news, esp considering AF arrived today and started cycle #49.

Witch

The witch is here.....on to cycle 7.

Sigh

TMI post: Yesterday after the temp rise, I had a little pink tinged CM (Another unsual thing as I normally just go into a heavy flow, never spotting unless its late at night right before I start during the night). All day long I kept thinking AF had finally started so I kept going to the bathroom to check, but nothing was there. Even into the night, I was having AF cramps, but nothing was on my pad. This morning my BBT was lower again and I knew it was only a matter of time before AF would finally rear her ugly head. Sure enough, a little bit ago she made her apperance known.

So onto the next cycle.....

Yay

My last AF before the reversal finally showed up today! And with any luck and lots of wishful thinking, this will be the last non pregnant cycle I have the rest of the year. Fingers crossed!

One month

One month from today until our reversal!! I'm so excited and ready. Now if AF would just cooperate!

The one month I don't really pay attention to my cycle and it goes out of whack. LOL. My cycles used to have a wide range, but ever since I had my first child, my cycles became much more regulated at 24-28 days. This cycle however is already on CD33. I have no clear indication when I O'd since CM was a little off and I didn't do BBTs. On the 27th, I was already a few days late so I decided to take my BBT just for the heck of it. Well, it was 98.08 which is pretty high post O temp for me! I've been checking it since hoping for a good drop, which would then mean AF was coming soon. It has dropped some and have been cramping on and off like AF would start any minute, but then it rose again today. Hpts have been negaitive so the waiting game continues. (How great would that be to be pregnant though....small chance, but it does happen to a small % of women.) Hopefully the ugly witch will show up soon if she's coming. I'm supposed to be going on a camping trip this weekend with my DSS and his boy scouts troop and AF would not be a fun guest to bring along.