Almost at the end of my rope

I sure wish I had some good news, especially considering we are just a few days shy of the 4th anniversary of our TR. But no, AF just arrived this morning, meaning we're on cycle #56 now. Fifty-five cycles have come and gone, with no BFP in sight.

A fellow TR sister (who had her TR after mine, with the same Dr.) just had her second TR baby last week, and another TR sister just announced her second TR pregnancy. I'm happy for them, but part of me wonders "why not me too?".

I only have 90 days left on my Fertility Friend membership. At this moment, I don't think I will be renewing it. (never say never though) Obviously, if God hasn't given us another baby by now, more than likely He won't. Its hard to completely give up on this dream though. Its such a struggle when your head tells you to be realistic and your heart keeps pulling you in another direction. Even with trying to keep myself busy with work, my mind daydreams what another child would look like in our family. Watching the kids and wondering how the dynamic would change with another baby.

This is how my brain rambles....