Cycle 5

Cycle 5 finally started today. It took a few days longer than I expected since my temps have been dropping for the last 4 days. I've been trying to keep busy, but as each month passes, its getting harder not to think that something may be wrong....am I ovulating strong enough, are we BD'ing enough, do I have a progesterone issue, are my tubes blocked.....endless thoughts. Which is pretty silly jumping to all of those conclusions since it can take "normal" (ie no tubal issues) couples a year or more to conceive as it is. I'm trying to learn patience, but its hard when your DH has put a time limit on things. Maybe God is just saving this BFP for my birthday (I should be O'ing a few days before.) What a glorious birthday gift that would be!

Start of the end

Today, I'm 10dpo and my temp dropped for the second day in a row. Looks like I'll be headed to cycle 5 soon. I've have been an emotional mess the last two days. Now, I know why. :-(

6DPO

I got a nice little dip today. Its a little early for implantation, but not impossible. Other than that, I've been very gassy and crampy this cycle. Hope thats a good sign!

Emotional

I've been reflecting and a bit emotional the last few days.

Stressed because DH has put a timeline on things. He thinks if we don't conceive within the next 6-9 months that we should just give up and call it quits. Part of that is because he is 40 and will be almost 60 when the baby graduates from HS. I can understand that, but its not like he won't be 60 one day anyway. :-P It makes it all that more disappointing when I get that BFN every month because I know I'm running out of time.

Grateful for the three terrific kids we already have. They really are great, even when they have their terrible moments (which luckily are far and few between, but boy do they make up for it by being bad).

Optimism for the future. I really believe we are to have another baby. I can't imagine God putting the feelings that I have in my heart all for no reason. I also believe in fate and that things happen for a reason...like the fact that we were able to save the money for the TR at record speed (still took us a year, but it was much quicker than we expected), there were two Drs who we were considering (one of whom the office would never call us back and when they finally did, wasn't able to get us in a for a while. Where as the second one not only contacted us right back, but the only dates they had open were dates DH was already off from work and it was soon!) and the fact that the day of surgery, it was even cheaper than we were quoted! Some people may dismiss all of that as nonsense, but I take it as a sign.

So yeah, I've been feeling like a roller coaster lately, but I pray good things are coming.

And Spike!

Today I got the biggest O spike I've had since the TL/TR! (I've been wondering if I have a problem with O, so its nice to see that that might not be the case afterall.) I should get crosshairs in about two days to confirm O.

Dive

Temp took a big dive today. A few ladies on our FB TR group say they normally get a dip the day before O. The only time I have ever gotten a dip before O was one time and that resulted in a BFN cycle. Of course, I've had other BFN cycles so I guess I won't think too much about it. As long as my temp spikes up tomorrow, I'll be happy.

Finally!

I took an OPK earlier today and while it was still negative, it did have a darker line than the rest of the OPKs have been this month. So I took another one a few minutes ago and there was a positive smiley face staring back at me! Yay!! Now, lets hope the delay was worth it and we get a baby out of this. ;-)

Negative

OPK is still negative. I'm starting to wonder if its even going to happen this month. :-(

We're getting closer!

FF took away my crosshairs again today. LOL. I am however having some fertile CM even though my OPK is still negative. I usually have 2-3 days of fertile CM before O, so maybe I'm on my way!

Sigh

FF gave me crosshairs again today. OPKs are still negative, temp is very low and CM is still not fertile. I really believe I haven't even O'd yet. If I have O'd, then this cycle is already shot, not only because of the lack of good BD'ing, but the fact that my temps are below coverline.

LH where are you?

So you all know about my lack of a +OPK so far this cycle. Well, my temp took a dip today so FF took away my crosshairs. I'm not surprised, since I knew I haven't O'd yet. Still no recent fertile CM (even the fertile CM I had last week wasn't all that great) so I probably won't have anything happening soon. I just hope it doesn't take much longer since I've never O'd this late, but at least I'm still in the running!

Absence

Sorry I've been gone for a while. I've been busy with work/projects and its actually been kinda nice having something to distract me from TTC. Today, FF gave me crosshairs and I'm not sure if I totally agree (even FF is not 100% sure since its a dotted line). I did have some cramping on Wednesday and some spotting the next day, but my CM has not been "normal", nor have I gotten a + OPK yet. In fact, my OPKs have been so -, that I barely even have a second line on them. So this all makes me think that I haven't O'd yet. Which is totally fine with me, because if I have O'd, there is no hope for this cycle. I have also been feeling like I'm getting sick and since I've had to get up really early 2 of the last 4 days, my temps aren't quite as accurate either. I guess we'll just see what the next few days bring.